In part 1, we talked about the challenge of getting and holding an emotional state of being we call “happiness.” We touched on the big three key areas that have a profound effect on our level of happiness; Making Progress- any progress in any of our 8 goal areas, Gaining Control or Influence in our actions and behaviors, and the importance of having our Values in alignment with what we are pursuing. When you live consistently with your best, higher self, you can’t help but experience great happiness.
In Part II, we will include other important contributing factors in our constant pursuit of that ‘elusive butterfly’ called happiness. What makes this condition of happiness so elusive is traced to 3 main reasons:
We are not aware of what is required or what the actual recipe is for happiness. We may stumble upon some fabulous moments and later say, “Wow, that was great! The circumstances were in alignment, and well, it just happened.”
We don’t know how our brain functions in these matters. Our brains are not wired to give us happiness but rather to survive. This is why at the deepest subconscious level, survival is first and foremost.
We don’t know the exact combination of the ‘lock’ of happiness or the order and sequence of conditions to achieve it.
The Law of Happiness
There is a law or principle of happiness that says,” The quality of our lives is determined mostly by how we feel in the present moment.” Since the present moment is also the point of power that shapes our destiny, it makes sense that this is the starting place of change, control, and influence on our mindset. In that present moment is our God-given gift of choice. We have the ability and responsibility to exercise good, empowering decisions, and the point of power is in the now!
As business philosopher and author, Jim Rohn pointed out, “It’s not what happens to you. What happens, happens to us all; it’s what you do.” Or, as The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People author Steven R. Covey said, “Between stimulus and response is our greatest power, the freedom to choose.” Hey! That’s Gear -6, Decision-Choice in The 7 Gears Between Cause & Effect, which we will explore later. This reminds us of where and when we can make the change, the now point.
IF, THEN
This is one of the traps we fall into so many times, creating conditions to be a prerequisite to happiness. “IF my income reaches $_____, THEN I’ll be happy.” If I weigh exactly ________lbs., THEN I’ll be happy. IF I reach my goal of _______, THEN I’ll be happy.” And on, and on. As a business entrepreneur, T. Harv Eker puts it, “If you want to be a lot happier more of the time, your happiness must be unconditional.” Did you get that? Unconditional. Because when you insist on “IF, THEN” conditions, you take yourself out of control. You are at the whims and results that may or may not be in your favor until your goal is realized! Who sold you on that plan? You did! In this scenario, your happiness depends on some event in the future! It’s not that you won’t be happy when you achieve your goals and objectives; of course, you will feel some level of elation. But what if your IF, THEN goal takes two years to reach? What will you be between now and then?
Yes, you need conditions set as parameters and mile markers to know if you’re on track. They don’t need to be written in stone as a commandment!
Other Than…
Prodigy philosopher and economist of the 19th century John Stuart Mill who was considered one of the highest IQ geniuses, put it this way. “Those only are happy who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness, on the happiness of others, on the improvement of mankind, even on some art or pursuit followed not as a means, but as itself as an ideal end. Aiming thus at something else, they find happiness by the way.” What he is saying is that when happiness is pursued directly as a goal as a means unto itself, it amazingly eludes us like the elusive butterfly we’ve been using as a metaphor in this series. But when we fix our minds on some positive, forward objective that more often than not includes serving others somehow and does not depend on the “give me first “mentality, happiness shows up in our lives.
BE HAPPY NOW –
Here’s one more key in this second installment; be happy first. “Yikes! is that even possible?” You say to the campfire! Give me heat first, and then I will throw in the wood! This is an extension of the section above on The Law of Happiness. It offers one powerful idea of what to place in the gap or space between what happens to us and our response or reaction. This approach has been called the “short-cut” by experts in psychology and personal development. And I know what you’re thinking. “Easy for you to say!” One of the criticisms of the Norman Vincent Peale era of “Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude was,” if you could think it, it would be so...” We all know how effective that is. And yet, while they had the right idea, no one at the time seemed to understand how to make it work. Fortunately, today enough research has been conducted to validate the concept of “Be happy now.” Everything we want is an objective and a goal. The point is, as free-will thinkers, we really can choose to be happy. When you allow (a choice-habit) external circumstances or events to command how you feel, you’ve handed over control to the event.
In Part III, we will go into more depth on just how to make the idea of “be happy now” work.
“We are only limited by weakness of attention and poverty of imagination.” - Neville
“ … and our beliefs.” TK Tolman
